I know that technically Burkley has been a "toddler" since he started, well, toddling, but this week Toddlerhood (with a capital T!) has entered the picture.
He is still full of sweet silliness, but occasionally the other side of being 15 months old comes out for a visit. This side mostly makes itself known during mealtime. I admit though, that perhaps my stress level just is increased at mealtime. Since we began babyled-weaning, Marcus and I committed to making a mealtime a peaceful time, without arguing about food, nitpicking about who was eating what, and no force feeding. However, we also decided that we would not cater to our children's every whim (like making different meals for each member of the family), but that we would offer wholesome, tasty foods that they could choose to take or leave. There would not be any "eat three bites of this and two bites of that" because nothing on their plates would outweigh something else in nutritional value. Whatever they choose to eat will give them the boost they need to fuel their body. I say that this is our plan because I am still on this side of this situation, I have not gone through it, so I don't know yet if this will be attainable; it is just our goal.
However, Toddlerhood has challenged these ideals! Burkley has always loved to eat anything we've put in front of him. Then, he went through a little phase where he wouldn't eat anything unless it was with a utensil. Now, he just really doesn't eat much at all, particularly at dinner. He'll still eat almost anything for breakfast.
I know that toddlerhood involves testing boundaries and exerting independence. So, one means of troubleshooting the mealtime battles that we don't want to ensue (but are brimming below the surface) is to let Burkley sit in his booster seat at the kitchen table with us, rather than in his high chair. Lately he's been begging to get out of it and throwing food off of it, so we've been toying with the idea of letting him sit at the table. My only hesitancy with this is just that it's really a messy option. But, one of my dear friends helped remind me that maybe it would make Burkley more excited about sitting with us and he would maybe not try to get our attention by throwing his food. Alas, I do think that throwing food on the floor is a completely normal toddler behavior and I don't think he is being "bad" by doing it, but when we tell him "no" several times and yet he looks us in the eye and does it anyway, well then we have a problem. So, we're going to keep troubleshooting this situation. I don't want to yell at him, as I've tried that it just doesn't help, it only gets me more riled up. I don't want to get physical with him because I truly don't think he's old enough to make that connection nor remember it the next day. It wouldn't have a lasting effect. Some other means of discipline (and by discipline, I don't mean "punishment" but I mean shaping and correcting) include diversion, distraction, and anticipation.
So, by moving him to the table, I hope to divert his attention to the food in front of him so that he can't even see the floor below (which seems to beg him to throw food on it), distract him by engaging him in mealtime with the family, and anticipate his needs by being physically closer to him, knowing he hates the high chair.
This, unfortunately, didn't work out tonight. Now, some other factors were at play. He was overtired and teething. We had leftovers to eat and last night he gobbled this meal right up.
Tonight, he threw much of it below the table and then starting kicking the table to get it to move. He ate some banana, but none of his black bean burger or squash.
Anyway, this is about more than just mealtime. How do you gently, respectfully discipline a toddler? If you have any tips, please help. I know that I need to remember to use play as a means of diversion, more to relieve my own raising stress levels than anything.
I also know that consistency is key. And that anger is okay to feel, but I need to remember to not let my anger fuel my actions.
I am so thankful that God deals with me as a learning parent with grace and compassion. I need to deal with my son in the same manner. I'm excited for this fun stage of learning, playing, and growing into a little boy that Burkley is entering.
He is still full of sweet silliness, but occasionally the other side of being 15 months old comes out for a visit. This side mostly makes itself known during mealtime. I admit though, that perhaps my stress level just is increased at mealtime. Since we began babyled-weaning, Marcus and I committed to making a mealtime a peaceful time, without arguing about food, nitpicking about who was eating what, and no force feeding. However, we also decided that we would not cater to our children's every whim (like making different meals for each member of the family), but that we would offer wholesome, tasty foods that they could choose to take or leave. There would not be any "eat three bites of this and two bites of that" because nothing on their plates would outweigh something else in nutritional value. Whatever they choose to eat will give them the boost they need to fuel their body. I say that this is our plan because I am still on this side of this situation, I have not gone through it, so I don't know yet if this will be attainable; it is just our goal.
However, Toddlerhood has challenged these ideals! Burkley has always loved to eat anything we've put in front of him. Then, he went through a little phase where he wouldn't eat anything unless it was with a utensil. Now, he just really doesn't eat much at all, particularly at dinner. He'll still eat almost anything for breakfast.
I know that toddlerhood involves testing boundaries and exerting independence. So, one means of troubleshooting the mealtime battles that we don't want to ensue (but are brimming below the surface) is to let Burkley sit in his booster seat at the kitchen table with us, rather than in his high chair. Lately he's been begging to get out of it and throwing food off of it, so we've been toying with the idea of letting him sit at the table. My only hesitancy with this is just that it's really a messy option. But, one of my dear friends helped remind me that maybe it would make Burkley more excited about sitting with us and he would maybe not try to get our attention by throwing his food. Alas, I do think that throwing food on the floor is a completely normal toddler behavior and I don't think he is being "bad" by doing it, but when we tell him "no" several times and yet he looks us in the eye and does it anyway, well then we have a problem. So, we're going to keep troubleshooting this situation. I don't want to yell at him, as I've tried that it just doesn't help, it only gets me more riled up. I don't want to get physical with him because I truly don't think he's old enough to make that connection nor remember it the next day. It wouldn't have a lasting effect. Some other means of discipline (and by discipline, I don't mean "punishment" but I mean shaping and correcting) include diversion, distraction, and anticipation.
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So, by moving him to the table, I hope to divert his attention to the food in front of him so that he can't even see the floor below (which seems to beg him to throw food on it), distract him by engaging him in mealtime with the family, and anticipate his needs by being physically closer to him, knowing he hates the high chair.
This, unfortunately, didn't work out tonight. Now, some other factors were at play. He was overtired and teething. We had leftovers to eat and last night he gobbled this meal right up.
Tonight, he threw much of it below the table and then starting kicking the table to get it to move. He ate some banana, but none of his black bean burger or squash.
Anyway, this is about more than just mealtime. How do you gently, respectfully discipline a toddler? If you have any tips, please help. I know that I need to remember to use play as a means of diversion, more to relieve my own raising stress levels than anything.
I also know that consistency is key. And that anger is okay to feel, but I need to remember to not let my anger fuel my actions.
I am so thankful that God deals with me as a learning parent with grace and compassion. I need to deal with my son in the same manner. I'm excited for this fun stage of learning, playing, and growing into a little boy that Burkley is entering.
But, it sure can be exhausting at times!
I know this stage all too well. It comes and goes with my daughter. Sometimes she eats like a bird and I feel like she must be starving to death. But she's healthy and happy so I just try to let it go. =)
ReplyDeleteOh, yes.. hello toddlerhood ;)
ReplyDeleteI just got done ready the book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. I loved it and would definitely recommend it if you haven't read it.
Also, here's a post that might give you some more ideas.
http://www.positive-parents.org/2011/06/positive-parenting-in-action.html
If I REALLY can't stand cleaning up the floor anymore (because my son likes to dump his food there, also) then I only give him one bite at a time. If he dumps the one little bite on the floor then I just stop feeding him. Other times I will take him on my lap and feed him off of my plate. But honestly, most of the time I just ignore the mess; it's only food and if I have to wipe the floor anyway, it doesn't matter if it's a little dirty or a lot dirty.
ReplyDelete