"Sing My Burkley Song"

My little Burkley Baby - then

When Burkley was in the NICU, I made up a little song and sang it to him in the wee hours of the night when it was just us. It's simple, just four lines long. It's something I've only sang to him. I've told my husband about it, but never sang it for him. Burkley's the only who has heard it.

I've sung it to him on and off throughout his infant years, just randomly when I'd think of it. Recently I told him about how when he was a tiny baby in the hospital I used to sing this song to him and now he asks for it every night: "Sing My Burkley Song!"

Trouble is, I can hardly get through it without choking up! Every time I sing that melody, it's like someone blasted me back to that NICU room, to the dark nights holding my baby with cords coming out of his blankets and tubes in his nose and mouth, to me rocking him as I sing that song. And now, to think, he here is not only asking for it, but singing it along with me as he smiles up at me.

and now

 How I love this little guy.

Burkley's New Chore Chart

I love charts. I love lists. I actually love doing chores if they are on a list that I can mark off when I've accomplished each one. My mom used to leave us chore lists on index cards for when we got home from school. Next to each chore, there'd be a little box she'd drawn that we could put an "X" in as we did them. I loved it!

I started thinking that Burkley was old enough to start be aware of what is needed to make oneself "ready" for the day or for bed and what kinds of things have to be done in a house to keep it organized.

I combined this new idea with my love for charts and made Burkley a chore-chart. I got clip-art from the Internet for each "chore" and made a column for morning chores and bedtime chores. I should note that we're not really calling them "chores," but rather just his "chart" of things he can do to be helpful and responsible.

They are certainly not difficult tasks and my main goal in creating this is to teach him that there are things he can do on his own, so we needed to start the habit. I take him potty, brush his teeth, dress him, clean up after him, basically, I do everything for him. He has neither expressed interest in doing these things on his own nor shown the ability, and when he was my only child, I just did it for him, without thinking about it. Now that he's two and a half and I have a baby to care for, I thought we should start working toward a little more independence.

So, I made the chart and laminated it and hung it outside his bedroom in the hallway at his height. I put a dry-erase marker there so he can mark off each item on the chart as he does it. He LOVES to color in each picture.

In the morning, he has to go potty, brush his teeth, comb his hair (have it combed), and make his bed. I'm happy to help him with any and all of these things, it's more just that he is now becoming aware of things that need to be done. The bed-making one I just put on there because he likes to do it. I do not make my bed everyday and making his seems kind of silly since he naps in it every day anyway, but still, we do it. :)

At bedtime, the list includes going potty and brushing teeth again (which he calls "toothbrushing"), putting his clothes in the laundry basket, and cleaning up any toys he got out during the day. He also always insists on coloring in the moon and stars at the top of the bedtime column.

So far, the chart has made accomplishing these tasks a bit easier since he is a willing participant. In the past, I didn't mind at all if he sat in front of the iPad or laptop for a few minutes watching something while I just did everything on those lists for him. Now though, he is growing up, and taking a more active role in his own "readiness" for the day and bed!

Midwestern Spring

We had a few days this week of really nice weather. Like, in the upper 80s! It was beautiful! We spent all our waking hours outside. We got sunburned! We breathed fresh air! We played and slept hard!

First family walk--I've taken the boys out several times by myself, but this was the first time with Daddy!

Burkley makes almost everything into a fire hose. Including this here stick.

Cadriel was generally unimpressed.

It was so hot, I didn't bother dressing the baby.

He took naps outside...

while Burkley picked dandelions.

And now it's raining and in the mid-40s and our heat is back on. Ah, midwestern spring!

Elimination Communication In Our Family

10 months old having some diaper-free time

Before Burkley was born, I had read about elimination communication. The theory interested me and made sense, but I felt a bit overwhelmed at the idea of it as a new mom. Once I really felt "in the groove" as a mom, around six to seven months of being a mom, I started reading more and more about elimination communication to see if I was up for trying it. We started when Burkley was eight months old. We began with lots of diaper-free time so I could attempt to figure out his cues and rhythms. 

It all started out pretty great. The best hint I read was to offer a "potty-tunity" upon waking up from naps and in the morning. We did this and it worked like a charm- he needed to go every time he woke up. Before long, he was waking up dry. After that, I started to just use the timing method and offering him the chance to go potty every hour and then just watching for his poo cues, which were pretty obvious.

When he was fifteen months old, he got chicken pox, and was so sick and lethargic and dehydrated that we paused EC. It took us until he was 20 months old to get back on track. Since then, I have not been able to catch hardly any poops, but we do catch pretty much every pee.

When he turned two he started to have really bad diarrhea and has actually had it ever since (we are in a loooooong journey to try and figure out why, I haven't blogged much about that though because really, who wants to read about poop?). However, it is almost perfectly timed to an hour after breakfast and an hour after dinner, so I keep a diaper on him at those times and skivvies on him the rest of the time.

This summer we found he was not very willing to sit on the potty for very long, so we started to have to get creative with getting him to stay seated and not get up mid-stream.

He didn’t want to read books anymore and he was too heavy for me to hold him and hover him over the toilet. So, we started finding little 2ish minute clips of videos for him to watch on YouTube. It’s become quite the habit, almost Pavlovian, for when he sits on the toilet and turns on the computer, the pee instantly comes out! Haha! And he does fine out in public going on toilets without watching anything, so that is great too.

I’ve had people ask me why we do it since it “didn’t work” with Burkley (meaning, he’s not technically “potty-trained” because he doesn’t tell us when he needs to go yet). I don’t think there’s anything about it that hasn’t “worked.” The point of elimination communication is not early potty-independence (though that’s often a perk), but rather to communicate with my child. If I know he needs to go, why would I choose to let him soil himself? I know when he needs to go. Why would I not let him go in the toilet? Sure, there are times, like when we’re out and about and it’s not convenient for him to go that I’ll let it slide, but for the most part, I do take him potty at almost every errand we run and every event or activity we attend.

So, when I was pregnant with Cadriel, I had decided I was up for trying EC from birth. Why not, right? I allowed myself the “out” knowing it might be too much to deal with as I adjust to life with two kids, but I wanted to at least try. I had no idea how easy and fun it would be!

Cadriel going potty at one week old

Cadriel’s signs for going potty are very clear and obvious. It’s interesting now, looking back, how whenever Burkley fussed as a baby, I instantly put him on the breast, assuming he was hungry or needed to comfort-nurse. Now I know he probably needed to eliminate (at least some of those times!). With Cadriel, often that’s my first check—when he fusses and grunts and kicks, I offer him a “potty-tunity,” cueing him with the “ssss” sound, and he goes, pretty much every single time. It’s amazing! And addicting! I have only caught a couple of poops and those were both by accident, but that is because this kid rarely to never poops (like, literally, he has pooped only a handful of times in his life—and no, we are not concerned, his doctor is well aware of this).

Burkley’s had some adjusting to do with Cadriel sharing his toilet, but other than that, it really is going great. He goes in the little "red-toyette" (as Burkley calls it) or in the sink, big toilet, or bowl we keep by the bed. Cadriel has gone potty in many places already in his short 3.5 weeks of life (people’s houses, out in public, at church, in parking lots, etc.). It’s really fun and has turned out to be pretty easy—at least, much easier than I thought.

And bonus, all of this equals less diaper laundry for me (though I really do love diaper laundry!).

Have you ever tried EC in your family?

Our New Life

We're only two weeks into this "new life," so I'm confident things can and will change at the mere posting of this entry, but I wanted to take a moment to reflect on where we're at these days.

Cadriel's first week was a bit rough (for him...and a little bit for me). He was fussy a lot, wanted to nurse A LOT, and was generally either crying, nursing, or sleeping. It didn't bother me too much (except the few nursing sessions that would last for hours), I more just noted how extremely different these first days were from Burkley's first days. But, we are now in a groove. This week he has been much more content and I think we just needed some time to get to know each other. His nursing patterns are vastly different from his brother's: he nurses for about 5 minutes (total) every hour or two and during the night will go 3-4 hours between nursing (approximately, I truly don't keep track). At this age, Burkley was nursing every two hours for 20-30 minutes! I feel like Cadriel is much more of a comfort nurser though because he will not be put down for long without wanting to nurse again and when he does nurse, he's not often actually eating but just suckling. We're really trying to not use pacifiers (yet?) but lately I have been giving into that sucking need with a paci a bit more here and there when I just need a break or a certain two year old needs my attention.

Elimination Communication is going great with Cadriel. He's a rockstar at responding to the "pee" cue ("sssss") though I've only caught two poops and both of those were by accident. Part of this could be because he doesn't poop much, and part of it could be because he poops in his sleep! But, he gets really angry about having to go pee, so I (almost) always know when he needs to go and can let him do so in the toilet/sink/tub/bowl/whatever-is-handy.

two weeks old

He had his first chiro adjustment today and next week he's got his first checkup. I'm so eager to see how much he's grown! He is very strong and great at holding his head up already. He has a loud and persistent cry that we're all getting used to. :) It bothered me at first how much he cried, but now we know that where Burkley hardly ever fussed, this kid is just a crier. It doesn't take much to set him off and he's easily and quickly settled, but every little thing makes him just scream!

It's amazing too how much I simply adore this little bitty. My heart is just so filled with love for him that all I want to do is snuggle and kiss him.

 Burkley now seems older than ever and is still just as silly and smart as always. He brings us so many laughs each day and is such a great big brother. There are times of each day that are tiring, but I know it's just that he's two and is testing boundaries and trying to figure out his place in the world and the family and how to get along with everyone.

Naptime snuggles

We've gotten the hang of getting out and about just the three of us (me and the boys) and Burkley is patient with me as we get in and out of the car and deal with everything taking a bit longer since I'm now always wearing a baby. He always says, "Cadriel in the wrap?" and helps soothe him when he's crying in the backseat and in general just always wants to hold him, snuggle him, and kiss him. Lately whenever he holds Cadriel he says to him, "Hi, Big Buddy!" in a high voice that's so sweet. 

While I feel like we're all adjusting really well, one thing we have yet to do successfully is make dinner. We've been blessed to have people bringing us meals or have had various events to attend where meals are served. I'm a little nervous about cooking, but I figure if I can handle breakfast and lunch, we'll be able to handle dinner too--especially since Daddy is home for that meal!

Getting ready for bed in Burkley's room

For bedtime and naptime, we all snuggle and read together. Burkley can hardly fall asleep without his hand on Cadriel's head. He always wants to snuggle him. Then, we all just sleep together for naptime. For bedtime though, Burkley's habits have not changed much-- once he's asleep in his bed, he stays there until anywhere between 2-5am and then comes in our bed. Big-brotherhood must be taking a lot out of him though because lately he has been sleeping in until about 8:30 rather than his usual 7:00! Hooray!

I'm excited to see how things go as the boys grow and can play together. Our new life has had a great start and while I know parenting a toddler and a newborn is a difficult stage, I also know that it will go by quickly.

A Birth Story ~ Cadriel Jude

Monday morning, the day before my due date, Burkley and I headed off to the museum, as we often do on Mondays. I was happy to continue on with "normal" life as I waited for this baby to come, knowing that activity would only help Baby move down, but also that sitting around waiting for labor to start would be no fun at all. That afternoon when we got home from the museum, I started having some contractions, but nothing major. I had had Braxton Hicks worse than those. I laid down and took a nap with Burkley.

A few hours later, Sarah brought over her daughter for our usual Monday night school session before Bible study. The mild contractions kept coming and just for fun, Marcus and I timed them on the iPad's contraction app. They were about 4-5 minutes apart, but short (40 seconds or so) and none of them anything I needed to breathe through. I rated them all as a "1" on the app's intensity scale of 1-5. These kind of contractions continued on through Bible study that night and throughout the night while I slept. They were easy to ignore and made me hope that Baby C would be coming sometime in the next day or so. I was glad to finally be feeling something.

The next morning, Tuesday, I woke up realizing I had slept pretty well without being woken up with contractions, but when I got up to get ready for the day, they started back up again. Still nothing notable though, so I decided to go ahead and clean with my mom and sister as we usually do on Tuesday mornings. They picked me up at 9:00 and off we went to go clean a client's house. I told my mom I was finally starting to feel something but certainly nothing that would bring a baby anytime soon. I was happy to go clean, knowing that we teach our childbirth class students to just keep carrying on as normal right up until you can't or don't want to anymore and also knowing that at full-term, staying active would be the best thing to bring baby sooner than later. My husband stayed home sick from work that day because he wasn't feeling well the night before. So, he was home with Burkley while I went to go clean.

While cleaning, my contractions started to increase in frequency and intensity, but still nothing that would make me stop cleaning. I know that continuing activity when you feel up to it is a great way to keep things moving and that since it only takes about an hour for my mom, sister, and I to clean a client's house together, I told myself I could just rest when I got home if I felt like I needed to preserve my strength. I texted my doula and told her that I thought it was baby day! In my head, that was just a heads up for her to start thinking about getting her kids together and over to our friend's house, as was the plan. A few minutes later, I texted her again saying, "This is legitimate!" since I suddenly had a feeling it really was going to happen today! As we drove home after cleaning, I asked my mom if she would just go ahead and take Burkley home with her. His bags were packed and though I didn't feel like birth was imminent, I had a feeling we'd be heading to the hospital at some point that day. So, my mom dropped me off, we got Burkley all packed up and off they went, around 10:15am.

I told Marcus then that I wanted to take a shower (I hadn't in a couple of days!) and that while I did that, he should put the bags in the car and then he could shower and we could see where we were at and probably head to the hospital. I went upstairs and started getting undressed, yelling out random items I wanted him to make sure to pack. Around 10:20 or so, I got in the shower and started to wash. I had hardly even gotten my hair wet when the contractions really started gaining frequency and I was working on relaxing and breathing through them and I started vocalizing a bit. Marcus heard me and realized that this was really happening! I tried to wash my hair inbetween waves, but I found it almost impossible. Suddenly, I realized I was pushing. I stopped the water and began to get out, yelling to Marcus, "I'm pushing!" It was about 10:30. I grabbed my phone to text my doula and saw a text from my sister-in-law who was on vacation. She was asking if I had had a baby yet. :) I laughed to myself and texted my doula telling her to meet us at the hospital pronto. I sat down on the toilet, soaking wet and shivering from being wet and cold. Marcus grabbed me a towel and helped dry me, while urgently telling me to get moving and get in the car.

10:36    He called our midwife to tell her to meet us at the hospital and that we'd be there right away (we only live about 7 minutes away).
10:37    He called our doula to make sure she was on her way. She was freaking out a bit since he told her I was pushing. During this phone call I started to urgently insist something about us not making it, that we were going to do this HERE. He said to me, "You're not having this baby here, let's get moving." I yelled at him, "DON'T TELL ME WHERE TO HAVE THIS BABY!" He told Sarah that I was refusing to move and that we were doing this at our house. They both yelled a few things at each other (which now is humorous to me) and I could tell he was panicking a bit, but he ended the call with Sarah, and...
10:39    Then he called the midwife back. She did not answer her cell, so he called her office and told the nurse that I was pushing, not willing to move, and going to be having the baby at home. She instructed him to call 911. When he told me that, while I was sitting on the toilet pushing as my body chose to, I chuckled and told him, "Wow, that thought did not occur to me!" I truly didn't even think about calling 911!
10:40    So, he called 911. The dispatcher told him to tell me to stop pushing. He laughed and said, "She's not going to stop pushing." He did manage to convince me to get off the toilet where I had sat when I got out of the shower since pushing while standing felt so strange. He helped me to get on to my hands and knees in the (very small) hallway just outside our bathroom where he had laid down a bunch of towels. Within minutes I heard the sirens and a bunch of people entering my house.

The police officer was first on the scene, then the four EMTs who came with the ambulance and then the fire lieutenant. They came upstairs and started to boss me around a bit, telling me to lay down, asking me questions and making a commotion. At this point I tried to get their attention while I was vocalizing and breathing through my pushing. I tried to get their attention by saying, "Can I say something?" No response, just a hubbub of medical equipment being unpacked, people talking and asking questions, and some chaos. I said it again, "Can I say something?" Again, ignored. This time I shouted it, "Can I say something!?" and finally one medic asked me, "What is it, hon?" (or some such pet name, I don't remember, but there was one there). I then tried to calm everyone down indicating that Marcus and I teach childbirth, we know what we're doing, that all of this is fine, I wasn't scared, and it was going to be okay. They backed off and let me labor in whatever position I chose, though I found out afterward that the EMT kept saying that the baby was going to fall on the floor.

10:51   As I was saying this, my doula arrived on the scene and raced up the stairs. I heard her chime in with me saying, "She's fine, she's doing great. Can we all be quiet, please?" It was so great to hear her voice of reason and confidence in me. During all of this Marcus was behind me with one of the EMTs reassuring her that everything was fine and that what was coming out was in indeed a baby's head after she said she wasn't sure what she was seeing. (Sheesh, good thing we were there, right?! haha). Of course, he was also encouraging me-- especially by just being there and remaining calm and confident.

From here I don't remember much other than my hubby encouraging me from behind, my doula snapping pics and encouraging me while standing in front of me, and the EMTs quietly opening their equipment and just waiting. I waited for each surge and remember encouraging my baby saying, "C'mon, baby!" a couple of times when the contractions had spaced out a bit. Up till that point they had really been almost one on top of the other.

10:58   I remember that it took two or three pushes for his head to come out and then I came up off of all fours to just on my knees for a couple of breaths and waiting for the next surge. It came just a minute or so later and I returned to my hands and knees, pushed one more time, and out came the head. Marcus was looking at our baby's face from behind my bottom! The next surge came and out came our sweet baby. He came forward right out to me. The EMT helped grab him, but I quickly took my slithery baby into my hands. The very first thing I noticed were the huge hands--just like his brother's! Then, I noticed the penis! I looked up at my doula and we both mouthed to each other smiling, "A boy!" Marcus was still trying to lean over me to see the sex! Next I noticed how pink my little guy was! He looked so great and healthy!

We waited twenty minutes for the cord to stop pulsating and since I had not delivered the placenta by then and was so uncomfortable laying on the floor against the wall with a baby still attached to me via the cord, I had Marcus cut it and we headed down the stairs for me to get strapped to the gurney to head to the hospital. It was interesting riding in the ambulance (not emergency-style, no lights/sirens/etc.) and when I got to the hospital holding my baby, I met my midwife who was ready for us. I apologized to her profusely, insisting that I had not done this on purpose. She told me to stop apologizing and to be grateful, as she was, that everything went well and that my baby was alive and healthy. We weighed our baby and discovered to our astonishment that he was 9 lbs, 10 oz! About a half hour after arrived, my placenta was finally delivered. After I was stitched up, we called our parents to tell them his birth story and texted our siblings.


We then moved to our postpartum/recovery room and nursed and hung out until my parents brought Burkley to meet his brother. I absolutely love this picture my mom captured!

Annoyingly, because I was Group B Strep positive, we had to stay for 48 hours for Cadriel to be "observed." We argued this with many people, but we did not get our wish. We wanted to go home as soon as possible and my midwife said I was cleared to go at ay time. But, Cadriel was not. It is that hospital's policy to keep GBS babies for 48 hours. His labs came back negative after 12 hours. We explained that we would obviously bring him in if he showed any signs of illness. I asked for an AMA form to sign, acknowledging that we understand the medical recommendation, but are choosing not to follow it. We were told that there is no AMA for a baby. I could sign one for myself declining medical treatment, but I could not sign one for the baby saying we would like to be discharged early. We were told that if we chose to just walk out and leave that DCFS would meet us at our house to take our baby back. I spoke with two midwives, two nurses, the on-call pediatrician, and the hospital social worker to plead our case and attempt to understand the situation. We asked, "So you're telling us that for the first 48 hours, we are not the legal guardians of our child? We do not get to make decisions for him?" They said it wasn't like that, that it was just hospital policy. We decided to look at it from the perspective that considering all we had been through in the past few hours, if this was the worst of it, then so be it. The most annoying part of all was that I was too tall for the hospital bed that I lived in for two days and it was very uncomfortable! I just wanted to be home!

On a positive note, though my birth plan was moot, the requests I made regarding the treatment of our baby were followed to a "T." No one gave us any grief about the various newborn procedures we declined and no one asked me about breastfeeding, which I had indicated on our plan-- to be left alone regarding breastfeeding. All of our nurses were wonderful and kind and helpful.

We are at eight days postpartum now and it already feels like Cadriel is the perfect fit for our family. He is breastfeeding like a champ and we are actually already in a great groove with elimination communication. It is so addicting to catch pees (I'm still working on his cues for poo!) and he's sleeping great at night too which means I'm really not all that tired (for now). Burkley is a great big brother and is really sweet, loving, and very protective of Cadriel. If Daddy has Cadriel in another room, Burkley will ask where he is. If someone else holds Cadriel, Burkley will defensively yell, "No, that's my mommy's!"

Cadriel was 3lbs heavier and 3in longer than Burkley, but there is still a resemblance!

Our new little addition has already brought us so much joy and excitement. His birth story is a wild one and we are so thankful everything went so well. We joke that we did so much to keep him in for so long that once his due date approached, he decided, "I want out and I want out NOW!" :)

We have taken to calling him Little Foot-- Burkley actually nicknamed him that because of the little newborn sounds he makes, especially when he yawns, just like Little Foot down in The Land Before Time. I joked that it doesn't fit, since Cadriel isn't all that "little"-- but Marcus reminds me that neither is Little Foot. ;)

I'm so eager to see what the Lord has in store for our little bundle. We came up with Cadriel's name after finagling some of the letters from one of my favorite boy names: Gabriel, which means "God is my strength." It couldn't be a better fit for a kid who was prayed over since conception for God's strength to keep him in until full-term.  Amazingly on his due date, he came barreling out in a big hurry--and God's strength was certainly with us all as he came! I know we'll be relying on that Strength as we raise this precious son!

Cadriel Jude ~ 9 pounds, 10 ounces & 20.5 inches

My sweet boys!

A Letter to Baby C

39 weeks, 4 days

"Get out, Baby!" Your big brother yells this into my belly almost daily. I'm starting to agree with him. Three days until you're "due" and we are more than ready to meet you! We don't know if you're a girl or a boy, but we know you are the perfect fit for our family. I'm excited to hold you, snuggle you, and watch you grow. I'm excited for Burkley to have a sibling and watch him grow and change into a big brother.

The dads and the babies! These adorable little ones will be your peers!

Tonight we hosted a little dinner party with some friends from our small group. I'm hoping all the cooking and cleaning we did in prep for it will get things moving for you to come! :) It was a great time and you are so blessed to get to be born into a wonderful church family. We've had quite the baby-boom at church this past year, but you will be the first 2013 baby to be born there. I wonder if there will be any other babies coming this year?

The big siblings!

Just last night we changed the girl name we have picked out for you! I wasn't 100% sold on the one we had decided on, but I love the one we have now! But if you're a boy, that's okay, we have a great name (well, we at least love it!) for you too! I've had three dreams that you are a boy!

An impromptu baby-bet...there may have been money exchanged...

Though I'm not sleeping much at night and life is a bit cumbersome being this big, in general I really do feel great. My hips hurt pretty bad at night laying in bed, especially if I've had an active day, but not nearly as bad as they hurt when I was pregnant with Burkley. I know that's because this time I've been seeing a chiro and I've also been teaching Daddy some of the moves the chiro pulls on me! My pinched nerve is gone now (which I had from weeks 34-38) and I think the sinus infection that started at the same time has also run its course. I have a little spot on my right side just below my ribs that is a bit sore because you're often jabbing me with your little heel right there! It's funny how adamant you are about kicking me there multiple times a day. ;) Other than that, I am not in pain, not swollen, and not dealing with endless prodromal labor (yet?). I've happily skipped out on my 38 and 39 week prenatal appointments (with midwife approval) because I'm feeling great and just content to wait. Of course, I'd be even more pleased if you'd make an appearance sooner rather than later!

We are all more than ready to meet you and I really would love it if you'd come before Easter! But, no pressure! Come when you're good and thoroughly cooked. :) My joke-guess all along is that you'll come on April Fool's Day. Here we've been prepping for another preemie all along and you'll surprise us by coming a week late! ;)